Tuesday, March 19, 2013

Guest Post - Getting Advice About Springsteen

This guest post was written by the incomparable Brad Bogner, host of the Brad Bogner Show.  Take it away, Bradley!


I don’t know very much about Bruce Springsteen. When someone says they just attended his concert, I immediately ask, “Was Tom Morello there!?!?” So in an effort to better understand this man, I asked some people their thoughts.

My Dad: I don’t know when you were born, but I can tell you exactly what Springsteen was wearing on the TIME magazine cover in 1975.

Rory Toohey (Legends of Springsteen): "Dancing in the Dark" is too 80’s.*

Ronald Reagan (U.S. President): “Born in the USA” truly shows that Mr. Springsteen understands that Vietnam was a war worth fighting and dying for.

Conan O’Brien (Late Night Talk Show Host): I hope you can give Max Weinberg health insurance, because TBS sure as hell can’t.

Bill Simmons (ESPN’s Sports Guy): Bruce Springsteen is the greatest musician of all time. He just always finds a way to produce the best music possible no matter the circumstances. It reminds me exactly of Bill Russell and the Celtics. No matter how many times it looked like the team was down and out, tired, old...they just always found a way to come through and deliver for the fans. And in Boston, we wouldn't have tolerated anything else. Are we sure this guy is from New Jersey?

Taylor Swift (Grammy Award winning singer-songwriter): Does he have any interest in a short term romance?

Chris Christie (Governor of New Jersey): That karaoke video of “Born to Run” that was supposedly me, could’ve been a lot of fat white guys in town.

Chuck Klosterman (Author): Springsteen has to be the most boring artist of all time. Aside from his predictable lyrics and listless energy on stage, he has ridiculous sideburns. I’m pretty sure he’s the reason why Steve Van Zandt is so ugly. “I’m goin’ down, down, down” onto the next musician on my iPod. Also, can I get some pot?

Gengis Khan (Mongol Empire): Sure, I conquered in 25 years what it took the Romans 400 to do. But what really excites me is that there’s a 2.3% chance Bruce Springsteen and I are related!

Slate Editorial Staff: Chris Brown is a better person than Bruce Springsteen...and that’s a good thing.

Anyone who’s ever lived: We’re all in agreement that he says "douche" in “Blinded by the Light”, right?

*This is an actual quote. I still don’t get it.