Friday, October 18, 2013

This Laugh's On Me: The Onion on Bruce Springsteen

The Onion, the internet's foremost authority on fake news, has had certain celebrities and politicians in their cross-hairs for years.  I've always enjoyed their continuing obsession with Spurs power forward Tim Duncan; his quiet and stoic presence both on and off the court have led to excellent, funny, and bizarre articles.  The Boss has been a frequent target as well, as his political causes mixed with his rock-and-roll lifestyle are ripe for satire.  Here are some of the highlights from the last five years:

Bruce Springsteen Concert Totally Changes Area Man's Mind About Voting (Oct. 27, 2008): In this article, Springsteen is used in place of any celebrity that is dragged out in election season for those silly "Rock The Vote" campaigns.  The choice of who to vote for (and choosing to vote period) are very complicated issues that always get reduced to simplistic platitudes that ultimately mean nothing.  The last line in the article sums it up best: "On Nov. 4, Garlock plans to vote for John McCain because he thinks Sarah Palin is hot."

Obama To Wait For Next Bruce Springsteen Album For Word On Economy (Jan. 10, 2010): The Onion has frequently predicted the future, and this article is no exception.  The next Springsteen album after this piece was Wrecking Ball, Springsteen's most direct take on the economy to date.  Whether or not Obama will base his policy off of it remains to be seen.  The shot at John Mellencamp at the end makes this article totally worth the thirty seconds it will take you to read it.

Bruce Springsteen Releases New Sci-Fi Concept Album About Struggles Of Poor Miners Working On Mars (Sep. 14, 2011):


As a fan of science-fiction and a fan of Springsteen, this article is the perfect storm.  The writer adds in so many details that help sell such a zany premise.  Song titles such as "Dead Man's Home", "Solid Ground", and "Martin Shoulders" truly sound like Springsteen tracks....provided he was doing a concept album about Martians.  You have to love the exasperated quotes from Steven Van Zandt, followed immediately by the sycophantic praise from a Rolling Stone editor.

It's Funny, I've Actually Only Been To New Jersey A Couple Of Times (Dec. 4, 2012): It's an article "written by" Bruce Springsteen, and I really wish Springsteen did write something like this.  It would be the greatest prank a rock star has ever pulled off.  It's funny how, even if you are not from New Jersey, hearing Springsteen reveal his "true nature" would forever change the way you see both him and his music.  Rationally, the music should stand on its own merit, but this article dares you to imagine a world where Springsteen was from Hollywood and how that would alter your thoughts on his work.

Bruce Springsteen On Fence About Playing Assad’s Birthday Gig (Sep 4., 2013): This article I didn't really care for, as it seemed like they could have inserted any artist into it, and just randomly picked Springsteen.  I mean, why would Springsteen agree to do only a 45-minute set?  That's way too unrealistic.