New York Jets - "New York City Serenade"
The Jets always struck me as more "New York" than the Giants, so we'll give them this song. Plus, there's a way better one for the Giants later on.
Buffalo Bills - "Buffalo Gals"
Yes, cover songs are permitted.
New England Patriots - "Chimes of Freedom"
They are patriots, and they love freedom! Well, it was either than, or "Murder Inc." for Aaron Hernandez.
Miami Dolphins - "Bobby Jean"
This song was written as a tribute to Steven Van Zandt, whose nickname was "Miami Steve". This is the first of, I assure you, many ridiculous leaps.
Pittsburgh Steelers - "A Good Man Is Hard To Find (Pittsburgh)"
Just read the title.
Baltimore Ravens - "Hungry Heart"
One of Springsteen's most iconic lines: Got a wife and kids in Baltimore Jack...
Cincinnati Bengals - "Kitty's Back"
The Bengals are part of a cat family, as are kittens. Stick with me!
Cleveland Browns - "Johnny 99"
The judge in this song? Mean John Brown. Also, being a fan of the Browns can seem like a life sentence.
Indianapolis Colts - "Lucky Town"
Andrew Luck. Horseshoes are lucky. Lucky Town. Easy choice, right?
Jacksonville Jaguars - "Jackson Cage"
I already used "Kitty's Back" for the Bengals. "Jackson" in both the song and the city is good enough for me.
Tennessee Titans - "Tenth Avenue Freeze Out"
Another reach. They both start with "Ten". Don't complain, Titans fans; it's still a fantastic song.
Houston Texans - "Galveston Bay"
It's close to Houston. Duh.
Kansas City Chiefs - "Mary Queen of Arkansas"
Arkansas. ArKANSAS. Here's you song, dudes.
Oakland Raiders - "Goin' Cali"
Of the three California teams, I'm giving this to the Raiders, for no particular reason.
San Diego Chargers - "Rosalita (Come Out Tonight)"
San Diego is honored by getting a direct shout-out in a fantastic song. I know a pretty little place in Southern California down San Diego way. Another option was "The River", in honor of Philip Rivers, but screw that guy.
Denver Broncos - "Pony Boy"
One of Bruce's more homo-erotic song goes for one of the two teams named after horses. I was considering "Old Dan Tucker", since Peyton Manning is an old man chucker and "Rocky Ground" for the Rocky Mountains.
New York Giants - "Wrecking Ball"
The most obvious pick on the list, as the song was written as a tribute to Giants Stadium, and specifically gives the Giants a shout-out.
Dallas Cowboys - "Black Cowboys"
Again, the team name is in the title. Let's not over-think this.
Philadelphia Eagles - "Streets of Philadelphia"
The NFL East teams have been all slam-dunks so far.
Washington Redskins - "Blinded By The Light"
"Madman drummers bummers and Indians in the summer..." Yeah, I don't know what it means either.
Detroit Lions - "Lion's Den"
An underrated Springsteen romper for this overrated team that gets romped.
Chicago Bears - "We Take Care Of Our Own"
Chicago gets out mention in this song. This was a tough one to figure out - Springsteen just doesn't write enough songs about bears.
Minnesota Vikings - "Outlaw Pete"
This is an enormous stretch, but here we go: Adrian PETErson, Outlaw PETE. Eh? EH? Let's hope AP plays there forever, because I can't think of another song for this team.
Green Bay Packers - "Out In The Street"
The main character in this song is loading crates down on the dock. I guess if you are loading crates, you are technically packing things. Right? Again, there aren't many Springsteen songs about cheese.
New Orleans Saints - "It's Hard To Be A Saint In The City"
There was a surprising amount of Springsteen songs featuring saints, but I'll just stick with this classic.
Carolina Panthers - "All I'm Thinkin' About"
This is the song where Springsteen is sipping blueberry wine in Carolina. But you already knew that.
Atlanta Falcons - "One Step Up"
I really had no idea what to pick for this song, so I just found a random Springsteen song that mentioned "birds", since, you know, falcons and what not. Plus, "one step up and two steps back" seems to sum up this franchise to a tee.
Tampa Bay Buccaneers - "Better Days"
"Now a life of leisure and a pirate's treasure don't make much for tragedy..." I could have given this to the Raiders, but California has its fair share of songs, while Florida is largely ignored.
San Francisco 49ers - "This Land Is Your Land"
"From California, to the New York islands..." Also, hippies love this song.
Arizona Cardinals - "I'm On Fire"
Because it is hot in Arizona!
St. Louis Rams - "Ramrod"
Another simple "team name is in the title" choices.
Seattle Seahawks - "Who'll Stop The Rain"
It rains in Seattle!
And, I'm done! Some of those choices fit like a glove, and some fit like a glove that was worn by someone with really fat hands before they gave it to you. I hope you enjoyed it, and let me know if you have any more appropriate choices in the comments. Without further ado, here are our fairly uneducated Super Bowl picks for this year:
OB: Denver 35, Seattle 31
Rory: Denver 24, Seattle 17
Steve: Denver 31, Seattle 28